Wouldn’t it be great if we all lived inside of our favorite Holiday movie? You know, the one where beautiful snow blankets picturesque rolling hills, everyone looks cozy in their Christmas sweaters, there’s a roaring fire in the fireplace, everyone gets along, no one is grieving the loss of loved ones and financial stress is eliminated? Alas, a 2023 study by the American Psychological Association found that 9 out of 10 people face additional stressors around the holidays. The hard truth is that the Hallmark movie is unattainable for most of us, which is part of what makes it so alluring - and also so discouraging.
Many people are more stressed out around the holidays. What do we do with that information? The first thing to consider is just sitting with that fact - stress and suffering are basic human concerns and are also a connecting force between all of us. Look around you the next time you are commuting to work, or visiting family or going to the grocery store. If you are having thoughts of “no one is more stressed out than me right now, I’m so anxious about x,y,z,” might it help to look around you and realize that others are stressed out about their own thing, or have had similar thoughts at one time or another? Better yet, can you send them, and yourself, some words of compassion? “May you be safe, happy, and healthy” is a good place to start! If that feels good, then you can keep the compassion train rolling by looking up a script for a loving- kindness meditation, which is focused on building these compassionate feelings.
Another way to ease the anxiety that comes from striving for the “perfect” holiday is to reframe or eliminate expectations. On his podcast 10% Happier, Dan Harris talks about some mantras to repeat in order to overcome holiday perfectionism. The first is “non-attachment to results” and the second is “don’t expect.” Say, for example, that you work really hard to find the “perfect” gift for someone, and it just doesn’t land with the reaction you are looking for. Can you release yourself from the idea that their reaction was the reason that you gave the gift in the first place? Maybe the satisfaction is in the doing, rather than in the reactions that you expect from others, which are outside of your control.
I write these suggestions knowing that they are easier said than done. Perhaps your goal this year is simply to get through the holidays, Or maybe you’d like to work on acknowledging feelings and stressors when they arise. Therapy can be a space to bring up challenges as well as happy moments during the holidays, either those that are anticipated or those that come as a surprise. If all else fails, remember that the “perfect” holiday does not exist, and strive for “good enough given the circumstances.” You are only human after all!
For further reading on the sources mentioned in this post:
Podcast: 10% Happier with Dan Harris “How to Survive the Holidays”
Jamie Cohen, MA, earned her master’s degree in clinical mental health counseling from Lesley University. She considers herself a career-changer with a little over a decade of previous experiences in startup, agency, corporate and nonprofit work environments, so she understands many of the stressors that come with balancing personal and professional expectations and identities.
Jamie takes a collaborative approach to counseling and will start any new therapeutic relationship by talking with her clients about what they are hoping to get out of therapy.
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